On questions and answers

Went through my old blog and found this quote that I just find simply brilliant.
And if you, for some stupid reason, wanna know what I've been thining about for the past two years, the old blog is still there. www.myspace.com/josefinearenius

I beg of you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

- Rilke

Soundtrack of life

Every now and then, I come back to this song, it has stuck with me, probably more than any other. It's a healing in there somewhere. Someone gave me reason to put it on repeat again yesterday. For happy reasons. For it was that time in someone else's life. Time to say; "I'm climbing out of the rubble".

God is teaching me stuff right now. Through the people I care for. Through the people I admire. Through being where I am. Loving it.

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like
character

- Sara Groves, Less like Scars from All right here

New home

Yeah... so I've been thinking about it for quite some time.... Maybe MySpace isn't really the best place for blogging? It's kind of messy to get to the actual blogs. So maybe I should try a new home?

On the other hand... I can never make up my mind about this whole thing. I get way too dramatic when I write, regardless of if someone's reading it or not. And a part of me enjoys that. I certainly do enjoy reading my friends dramatic blogs and I love reading back on my own. Yet I hear my more subtle friends voices in the back of my head saying that maybe I shouldn't. Maybe, it's healthier not to share your thoughts with the rest of the world. I dunno.

Anyways, this might be my new blog home. Welcome.

Wordless, full of words

I'm in a period of time right now where words seem to fail me. I could make that into something dramatic but truth to be told, I'm just lazy. And bored. I'm well and happy and all that. Just bored. I had an amazing trip to America. Amazing in the way that this time around, I didn't force myself into the parts of work I don't like so much. And I didn't tell myself I had to follow along in the group of people I travel with, even though that group was more fun and fabulous than ever before, just because it is convenient. I cut back on the shopping and spent the money on taxi to be able to hang out with people.

People... That's a weird thing. I hung out with people I hardly know, some of them I just met, but felt awfully at ease with. Again, back to the brokenness, happiness and the ability to connect, I guess. I love when I find myself with people who make me feel at ease enough to forget I don't really speak the language or forget that I have to be on top of things and show them how smart and together I am. Cause I think it is pretty established by now and no secret no more... I am not your together kind of person.

Anyways, home from The States I went to spend some quality time with one of the best people I know, non stop. Someone who has taught me probably more than anyone else this past year. The hard way sometimes, but still things so worth learning. It is a little calmer Josefine, a girl just a little more laid back facing the upcoming year in her life. And I like it. I like the lesson I'm still in the middle of - a lesson mainly saying; "sometimes you don't have to spell it all out, words can be left unsaid and still be true". It's one of the hardest ones in a long time. And I'm still debating it's raison d'être (yeah, I had to look that one up...) every once in a while and will continue to do so. Cause yes, there are limits to how few words you have to use as well... But I somewhat enjoy learning it.

It's just that... I'm so in love with words. I love it when I get all tangled into them and can't get out. I love hearing them from people close to me. I like writing them and reading them over and over. I like abusing them and find new meanings for them. And it is challenging to someone like me, to find myself feeling stupid cause I can't form what I wanna say in English, I can't use the words to paint with as I would in Swedish. And it's challenging when all I want is to express my feelings of love, friendship and contentment (or the opposite as well for that matter) through words, the best way of communicating that I've found, just to find that the target for my volubility has no real interest in my words per minute record, but in me. Me as in words or no words. (Gah... that is even scary to write... oh, I'm in trouble.. That's a whole different blog though, the one about self confidence and shit.)

But yeah. Words seem to fail me right now a little. Guess my brain is working on stuff and that the words are needed for that. Or, maybe we just grew tired of each other, the words and I. Maybe... I am just really truly bored.

On the other hand... This blog contains a little over 600 of them...

Me: I feel so happy right now.
Great teacher of silence: Yeah. When you have to say it, it really make sense.

Ha.