Splendid...

This summer has been splendid in so many ways. Just so peaceful and ... safe. My last summer was kind of the opposite. It felt kind of chaotic, with myself and a lot of people around me suddenly trying to figure huge stuff out all at once. This year... none of that. Just a longed for rest. Yet again I realize that time off usually takes more from me than actually being at the office. I know the office, I know my work self and I know my pros and cons. The private hanging-out-with-people version of me scares me way more. But I'm learning. And it's been a great summer to do that. Our last night in Spain was amazing. My weekend at M&Ms place like being home. Revealing things to Martin I didn't even know myself during a car ride like the most natural thing ever. It's like I'm starting to believe stuff people have told me for a long time but that I've been too stupid or scared to get.

So, in all this peacefulness I've started to ask myself some new "what ifs...". I'm realizing that blogging is the most dramatic I get nowadays really. Life i so much calmer and cooler and... that should tell me stuff. Stuff about where I'm the most me. Where I am at my best. What's left when the big words and emotions, my need to analyze it all, are gone. Where safety is. There's just a lot to figure out. And I so enjoy the ride. There's no rush, no big questions that need quick answers. There's a flow. And life is... splendid.

I've got the coolest friends. And even if there's still a trip to Stockholm I long to do, and friends in the States I haven't seen in ages and even some people I'll miss, unable to figure out how not to, there's been time to be around my best this summer. To realize there is actually family outside my flesh and blood. What a God given thing.