Leave the winter on the ground

Om jag kommer bli sårad
Om jag kommer bli ditt sår
Om vi kommer att förblöda
Av alla sår vi får

I have a weary day. Can't really figure out why. Me and H went to see our brilliant friend Jenny star in the musical Spring Awakening yesterday. It was really cool. Every teenage related subject played out in two and a half hours with great music and very good acting. Realized again that I need to start seeing more plays again, I miss that. And I was extremely proud to see a new friend I really care about in the starring role.

Yet again, as always, the best part of any day is usually spending time in a car with a very close friend. There is something about that, you just have better conversations while driving. Yesterday being no exception.

And it just got me thinking. The musical, the car drive, the hours in the car outside my house trying to figure life out. I'm tired. Weary of the game. Done. Miss being twenty when I knew it all. I had it all figured out. I really did. I knew how the story would end and I was so sure about it.
Had a great lunch with my mentor the other day and she told me that she knew instantly the first time she met her husband at a very young age that she was done looking. And that's the way her life did turn out. I meet people every once in a while who talk about work that same way. They knew when they were twelve what they wanted and they've never backed down from that. I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

Hey, nine days out of ten I enjoy the ride. I like not knowing, I like being where I am. I enjoy thinking about whatever lies ahead.

But today. Thinking back. Just weeks or eleven whole years. Remembering what it was like knowing. Missing the object of all my certainty. Wondering about what's special and magical and what's just practical. Wondering where the mystery went.
It just... wore me out a bit. Will be back on track soon.