We've played all our cards...

A thousand things to write, yet, I haven't told anyone about this address yet so... it doesn't really matter. It's all for me so far.

Anyways, went to se the movie Mamma Mia last night. Was expecting some lame light entertainment with some classic hits in it. Was actually surprised. Of course it is really quite silly and unrealistic, but, hey what romantic comedy isn't? But I enjoyed it way more than I thought, quite a little happy pill.

I've always, for some reason, summed up my relationships in songs. Until recently at least, there's some changes in that department as well... A whole other story. Back to the subject. Watching that movie last night brought me back to one of the songs that accompanied the end of one of the greatest friendships stories in my life. You know, that one, that you know has to end, cause... there's just nothing left but emptiness and tears. Well, maybe you don't know, maybe that has only happened to me, nothing I wish for anyone else. But I have one of those. There's no agony, no anger, no feelings of affection left. There is peace. And there is rarely any trips down memory lane nowadays (but when i t does happen, I do seem to write about it, so the blog might think I'm lying...). But there will always be a sad smile on my face when I do think back. There will always be a small hole in my heart that no happiness can fill. It's controllable, sane and quite healthy even, but it's there. And I remember playing that song on repeat when I realized it was over. Yesterday it came back vividly again. There are no regrets. Life proceeded according to plan and I'm better off. Not in a "ha, look at me now"-way but in a "Yeah... I see it now, this is how it was supposed to be"-way.

But... I realized again... that in some stories there is no turning back. There is no ten years later down the road we'll meet again and talk old memories. It just changed you too much, robbed you of too much. It would just remind you of the hurt and who it turned you in to. It would remind you of the years you spent trying to get your head back above water. And it will just never ever be worth it. You wish the best in the universe for that person but no... no shake of hands. It's just asking too much.

Anyways... That shallow happy Abba movie just made me think of that...

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me, now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say, no more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory, that's her destiny

I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize if it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense, no self-confidence
But you see

The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all